What is the true conversation beneath all that’s happening in our communities and nation right now? “How can we heal what’s broken? What is the liquid gold that will mend and make us a stronger and more beautiful container for love to grow and heal?”
I was born into white privilege which means that I owe a debt. There’s no blaming or belittling myself for my ignorance. But that moment is gone. I see my complicitness in inaction.
I don’t want to just keep talking about diversity and reading about injustices and not knowing what to do next.
I want to understand what underlies oppressive systems and what we can actively do to undo them while building one of true equality, stops reinforcing oppressive behaviors and creates solidarity with marginalized communities.
I am heartsick by George Floyd’s murder, and want to honestly and deeply address the systemic white supremacy of racism, in which our nation was founded on. I am beyond disillusioned, by the leadership in this country, as to feel almost despondent.
I watch the constant stream of media of the unified humanitie’s outcry, “ENOUGH.” I feel the incredible courage of hearts raised as one for true justice for all and horrifying defeat and abuse and I weep from the deepest place in my heart, letting our collective anguish roll through and clear my vision.
My god how ignorant I’ve been. I pray for a way forward, for the courage to look deeply into the dark underbelly of my life, born into white privilege, ignorant to the inbuilt suffering of those who weren’t. I can’t know the intricacies of growing up under this subjugation.
I feel the pulse of the bleeding heart beating across our nation and in our communities and the futile efforts to address the broken systemic injustice, as our eyes are opened and we fear closing them again. I want to be broken open such that the scaffolding of white privilege crumbles into a million pieces to be used for better stuff. I want an honest way forward where I can be in oneness with my sisters and brothers of the human race we share we make up together. I can help, serve and love. My hand is out . My heart is open and my arms ready to hold. I want to presence myself in the thick of it. What do you need that I can’t see or know?
I want to truly listen to my sisters and brothers, suspending all I think I understand, so each voice and heart has a place to land and I can learn what I do that doesn’t help and stop doing it. I want to learn how and what to do what will.
A couple of years ago I read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me. Every few pages I’d have to stop and weep, loosening the cobweb of the system of which I am complicit. I’d take a breath and in gratitude allow Coates’ life to educate me, give me strength and forgive my ignorance, expanding my heart and mind bit by blessed bit.
Today I’m reading ijeoma Oluo’s ‘So You Want to Talk About Race’, ‘Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad and ‘White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo to open and discover myself beneath the cover of white privilege which has never been challenged and thus not investigated deeply by me. I want to be opened up so the right elements of understanding, of myself, the system and my brothers and sisters of color and the unfoldment of what’s next can find their place in my life and move me closer to the center of our collective experience where we can face our pain, ignorance, systemic oppression and complicity and dismantle the fraudulent constructs one by one — where the love which breathes through us all, which we desperately want to give and receive finally finds it home in our united heart.
